i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
