I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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