How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Who died my cat blue again?
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