I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
