Me too!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
