operation harelip BJ is a go
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
