Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
