Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize