Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
