she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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