i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
