Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
