im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
