I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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