So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
