It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I think my moral compass just broke
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