I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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