I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
