you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
