idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
