i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
