he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
