3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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