rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
