She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
