I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
