His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
