Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
