Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
