By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
