I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she told me i tasted like america
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just gargled with NyQuil
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
