i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
