Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm like, not good at living.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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