well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
wanna go halves on a baby?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
