Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
