in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
