I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
