You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
