I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
