a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
What changed your mind?
Being sober
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
