Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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