Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
soo... how was my night?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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