clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
