I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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