So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
