so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Rumble strips road head = magical
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
