Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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