yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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