I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
