He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
