We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
