he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
