I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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