I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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