I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
