I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
