um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
