Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
