I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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