Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i've created a new STD.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
