your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
