ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
