Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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