I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
