At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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