i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
