tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
there is glitter all over my balls
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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