dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
nutella sex= disaster
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize