I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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