STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
