From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
