Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
