I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
