so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
