i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
