watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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