I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
